SOMEWHEREinTIME

Pity-Party, 30-minute power nap and perseverance!

For those of you that know me, you know I am always up for a party… Well, I hosted myself an all out pity-party tonight. Complete with full-blown body wrenching crying. Outside the rain poured down, and within me the raw heartache of fear, out of control…took control. My strength to fight back the questions of the unknown has been at the surface for days, maybe weeks. The fight raged within to balance faith with being a mortal being.
For a moment I wished the world of financial, physical and emotional worries would just cease so that I could concentrate on caring for Davis and my family.

Over the years there have been many moments in life that we have felt the sting of poor health. This has for sure been one of our family’s areas of trials. Especially felt the past four years as we have made it through numerous cat scans, MRI’s, surgeries, gluten intolerance, knee, back and neck problems, broken bones, etc.
I have always vowed that I would not let the drain of chronic issues overpower the love of life and willingness to endure well.

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot, hang on and swing!

As I fall to my knees to plead for the strength needed to handle tomorrow, my heart is so heavy with the worries of the world. No worries seem as important as caring for Davis, however, none- the-less need to be tended to as well. My neck begins to heat up with the anxiety of so many unknowns. Tension fills my body. I am sure there are a few more gray hairs on my head and stress lines on my face, as I bury my head in the pillow. I audibly giggle at the thought of Heavenly Father watching me actually think about gray hair and wrinkles right now.

Pity-Party over.

I recall a moment in the temple this past month. As I sat, exhausted from the past few weeks, and looking around at the comfy chairs and couches, I just wanted to take a nap. I imagined asking Heavenly Father if he could just take over and allow me the indulgence of a 30-minute power nap. Then, I would be good to go. I read thoughts and scriptures that buoy me up. Along the way the spirit reminded me that I can and needed to rely on the Lord to take over and fill in the gaps created from my weaknesses.

I remember the sentiment “be still and know that I am God.”

My heart pounds and tears begin to fade. I give in to the encircling peace found in being still. Although the other problems have not been solved, I find strength in my ability to persevere.