Have you ever counted your door knobs?

My heart actually leaped backwards and my stomach tumbled(you know like when a child falls and skins a knee so deep, that the injury bypasses the red bloody level and the silver white layer is showing and familiar pangs of pain from empathy fill your heart) when the reality of  "welcome to the fall/winter sick season came with the words, positive for strep and she has croup."

The immediate thoughts are of course of Emmi and how she looked at me after the third round of vomit at 4 a.m. saying, "I just hate being sick mom, I wish this was a dream!"  The second, and almost first nature feeling that floods my every thought...What does this mean for Davis?  How to separate, yet stay together.  With lab results pending, I pray for high enough numbers to fight anything that may invade his system.  Ever since the suspect to this whole experience of recent months has been the flu, I have buried the fear of the fall flu season and what that might mean this year.

I have tried not to dwell, that for me, the dreaded  l o n g winter will this year be just that, filled with dreaded anticipation and l o n g.  I have secretly prayed for Mother Nature to maintain this Indian Summer for awhile.  I recognize the need for the season to change, but time and circumstances basically skipped summer this year, can I choose to skip winter as well?...Wait, oh yes, I'm not in charge.  Life lesson # 1 revisited.

After those random thoughts were pushed back for reality to begin, I began to count the many door knobs and handles to once again sterilize for the week.  Our plan of action after receiving slightly lower immunity numbers, yet still "hanging in there" numbers is to simply take what action we can.
 "Buy Lysol and Clorox stock" is on my to-do list. 

Emmi is quarantined to one bathroom, while Davis remains the only one in another bathroom.  The couch is covered with blankets that can be easily be removed and washed.  A designated drinking cup of the day for Emily.  Medication prescriptions filled.  I felt so normal for a moment at the pharmacy as I filled a "regular, in-stock, antibiotic and common second med for the grand total of $8.09.  Laundry..sickness laundry, self-explanatory.  Grocery shopping done for the week in anticipation of being home bound to some degree.  Once again reminders of wash your hands, cover your mouth and do not get too close to Davis, mixed with the need to console and hug the cute sick Emmi float through the air on a way too regular basis.  Emily states, " mom, you will have to touch everything for me when I need something so I do not get my sick germs on anything!"  We are definitely versed in battle against germ invaders!

I remember to breathe and pray with every breath that this round of germs can somehow elude Davis.  At least the prayer, that if he does get sick, his body will have the strength to fight.

Two days down.  Emily is doing better.  Even after play dough, 2 movies, pages of coloring, reading books and piano playing, she is so bored that when a friend brings her missed homework, she exclaims, " yes, finally, something to do!"

It is now 4:17 am, day 3.  I find myself at Davis' bedside checking a temperature after complaint of a sore throat and a stomachache.  Is the vomit from the regular drug induced upset stomach, or something different this time?  Tomorrow, Thursday, is planned only to the level of getting Davis to the Doctor to check for any indication of strep or flu, hoping not to gather any other germs along the route! 

Then...well, we will go from that point.

I am both exhausted just pondering the potential of this years sick season and buoyed up by the fact that we "survived" the last.  5:20 am.  I hope my mind can disengage long enough from all the swirling thoughts to relax and get much needed energy sleep to conquer and fight through this next adventure...which I'm certain is merely 'Round One'!  DING

The sands of time

I complained that I had no shoes

until I saw a man with no feet.

I have often talked of a new found perspective for the little moments of life while in adversity. I think I might have over thought this concept this week. While taking out the garbage, I realized there was a can from the garage that I had let raw meat sit in for 4 days. The can was too heavy to lift, but the overwhelming stench beckoned me to get it out of the garage. I quickly put my hip into it and began to drag the can to the road. Upon lifting the sack out and into the large can, a small hole in the bag released blood soaked garbage and pieces of meat. I looked in the can just as a not-so-gentle waft of stink reached my nose. I then realized that the can bottom was full of a bloody liquid mess and turned to get the hose and soap to disinfect. After spraying and rinsing and spraying again, although standing my distance, a blast of water circled the bottom of the can and jumped at my face. On top of that I looked down to see blood all across my pants where I had put my hip into it! Now, being such a recently converted germ conscious individual, I quickly ran through in my head just how to wash myself off and not take this mess into the house and more importantly into Davis' space. The visual image of hosing myself off like a child that had been in the mud, brought a giggle. That, and the thought of my neighbors watching my awkward adventures. As the fleeting thought came to mind that this was no job for a lady, I verbally stopped myself, choked back the gagging in my throat and said; "but I am home, I am capable and I can do this!" This is the part where I think I might have gone a little overboard on the "keeping a bright perspective" issue and should have delegated this one out!

It is true that this experience with Davis and watching him suffer has brought a new perspective into so many lives. I still hold firm that everyone has their challenges, and when they are a part of your life, it is just as important as the next persons. I am so humbled as I watch a show about a mom with no legs or arms. I sit in amazement at her positive attitude and ability to endure...well.
As friends and strangers share their stories of struggles, I feel such a Christlike love for humanity. I am in awe at what people are asked to endure.   Burden or privilege?

I heard a talk this past week that issued the question; "How many times do you see Christ referred to as the preventor in the scriptures?"  The answer is of course, none.

For some reason hearing this struck me very profoundly at that moment. So many areas of my life I believe and even preach the importance of prevention being, by far, easier than paying the consequence. There is an increased raw awareness in my existence lately to the struggles of this world. This for me answers a lot of the WHY and HOW questions. If we live right, how can bad things still creep into our lives? Why are certain tragedies allowed to happen? If these moments were to be prevented, we would not need to lean on a Savior.

You hear this fact of the gospel over and over... and sometimes...it just makes masterful sense.

The peace found in this sentiment, lifts my spirits to endure well for just another day.

It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out;

it's the grain of sand in your shoe.

                                                                                     - Robert W. Service

One must see the mountains to know the purpose of one's life, but the joy or the suffering of life

is found in the smallest details of daily living.

Davis continues to endure well. The past few weeks have brought unique side-effects of face blistering and peeling, and raw nerve pain on shoulders and neck. When asked how his energy level is holding, he states, "it feels like I have done too much!" I asked what he had done too much of. His response was solemn, "not much." Last week the labs dropped once again, however, even through this difficult week of missing school and side-effects, his body has worked hard. Yesterday, labs showed signs of improvement in his liver and kidney functions, as well as red blood cells. One of the labs that had been steadily dropping the past few weeks, just went up a bit on his own power. Prayers answered. My heart leaps in a moment of celebration. That's okay for today right?  A boost to the power of hope and prayers.  We will continue with the hope that the progress will show steady improvement this time, be patient for the increases and content with the maintaining. We will keep you updated. Thank you for the continued support towards Davis and our family. We love you all. When he does have his good days, you will see him out and about living it up to the max.

I love his spirit to fight. He has an undeniable ability to see his own new perspective and not allow the "grains of sand" (or even the large rocks) in his shoe stop him from enjoying the journey.

Rain, rain, go away!

Instead of waiting out the storm,

we must learn to dance in the rain.

It is intriguing to me how various thoughts or sayings come in and out of your life and have unique meaning within different moments. Life is truly seen through the eyes of your experiences.


This particular thought has surfaced in my mind quite often. Maybe for the literal sense that I love to dance in a warm summer rain or perhaps that storms are so often in life, that I must find a way, some strength, some hope, or courage to face the trials rather that wait for them to merely pass.

Of course when life-threatening, or life-altering experiences enter your world so does the opportunity for deep reflection on rainy days. The good days have disappeared with the sun for the past few days. After missing two days of school and feeling lousy, Davis is finally vertical again and we both wanted to go and dance in the rain. Never knowing when pain...or dinner will resurface, the unknown can reach out and grab you.

On a better note for the week. Courtney is thriving thus far in her adventures at college. Her intense schedule of chemistry, biology, psychology and nursing welcomed her to the real world quite quickly. Taking it with stride, she is mixing in fun with great roommates and coming home for laundry, food refill and hugs. It has been fun to see her engage in life as a 18 year-old after such a summer full of heavy life responsibility and uncertaintiy. The other kids have missed her and pray for her every night as family prayer seems so small. Emmi turned six today and was thrilled to receive a birthday message from sister Courtney, who is for sure one of her idols in life.


I am still in search of some sort of continuous meditation technique that can outrun what life throws at us all. Autumn seems to always bring about the need to revamp life. Everything from household organization, fleeting thoughts of canning, even more fleeting thoughts of washing windows, exercising to prepare for the holiday binge eating, to season-end yard tidy. I am a little lost in the seasons. Summer came and left in a blur.  With aging, I have found the intense desire to revamp everything. This is surely why the anti-aging industry is booming. If it sounds to good to be true........Can I take a minute to have me time? I'd like to revamp the insurance system for sure and have chocolate be the cure for pain and anguish, and often times I think of revamping this crazy world to make it safe for our kids.
                                                          All in a days thoughts of a woman.
                                                                  I know one thing at a time.

Maybe I should figure out just how to turn it all off for a moment or two

and stop trying to multi-task multi-tasking!

It is so much to ask that it can all be done, all clean, all settled, all happy at the same time...just once? Does it all have to be done? How can it all be done? I speak with friends in all places that feel the same sentiment.

How do we slow down to see?

If anyone has a system that is working for them...let me know, I think it would make a great business...in our spare time!


PS. It is now Friday...Rain gone, Davis at school. Ah, the hope and freshness of a new day, just don't think about all that you did yesterday that is in need of being done again today...it will be there for you tomorrow!

Holding his own!

We continue to create a new set of expectations for what a good day will consist of. Continuing with the more good than bad theme, the weekend was one for the books. With a jacket, good friends and a snack, we headed to Cecret Lake by Alta.(Which FYI is an amazing hike. Springtime brings mountainsides of wild flowers and alpine feeling views. Fall brings bright colors and wildlife along the creek and trail. If you haven't hiked the trail, it is amazing fun for all.)
Davis brought along his ever strong determination and immunity numbers and with a few rest stops along the way made it to the top. The sense of gratitude for this accomplishment was celebrated by all with encouragement along the way and congrats at the end. We find that making memories doing regular activities is of the highest priority these days. I sit back in wonder(after the flitting moments of concern) at the small joys of life. I cherish the moments that we have with Courtney back in our midst and Davis, well he is pushing forward with a strong will.

So with that, Labs taken today were highly anticipated. After a week of being off the drug that was boosting his immunity...he is continuing to hold his own. Not going up...but NOT going down. So we can say that his own body is beginning to maintain. Prayers answered. Each new day that brings a few hurdles are by far outweighed now by days like today that make the long road ahead seem manageable, and even full of happiness.

Favorite quote for today:

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children growup to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey...delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." -Gordon B. Hinckley

"Who prays to go to school?"

We have officially had more good days in the past two weeks than bad. Phewww!

Everyday that has a little "regularity" is enlightening!  Sorry couldn't resist.  So... Davis' stomach issues are guiding the visits to the hospital right now.  A second round of treatments over the weekend and we are watching a stone that they found in his appendix.  He continues to push the limits, often times realizing just how weak you can get after six months of nothing.  He has a love of doing regular things and being regular. 

With two weeks of school for the most part attended, I asked him if he had prayed for this.  He said, "More than you know.  Who prays to go to school?"  His week has been full of officer fun, friends and he even "gently" swung a bat.  A soft-ball game, with a swing or two...or fifteen and a pinch-runner was a highlight of the week.  He has commented several times after walking with friends, or up the stairs at school all day, that the lactic acid build-up is like he has run ladders or done two-a-days!  Even with the limitations, he continues to feel blessed.

 In a recent note, he wrote, "At first all I was looking for was the big miracle...getting better...and was looking past all the small miracles that came along the way.  As time went on, I began to realize how blessed I really am.  It was then, that the small miracles became big miracles. Things that I had taken for granted and did every day, are now more like special occasions.  I became aware of my surroundings and stopped feeling bad for myself and started to care more for others around me."-Davis-

Okay, it's me again.  Seriously, this is my 14 year-old boy, or do I say young man.  This experience through Davis' eyes has given me a strengthened testimony that within a "14" year-old boy lies a wealth and depth of understanding of faith that can pierce your very being, and a longing for the constant worthiness to feel the guidance of the spirit.

We've made it through a few weeks of "regular happenings" like water heaters leaking,  getting everyone rearranged into their rooms, school homework, schedules, lists and shopping, jackets in the morning and swimming in the afternoon,  Jeff being out of town, Ryan's trip to the Instacare for a hand injury(not broken), outdoor grill biting the dust, selling Jeff's car, buying a "reliable" car with character for college...getting that car out of the shop, Courtney being away everyday(it is nice to go to bed before midnight) and the other car being backed into in a parking lot, to come out on the other side with smiles, hugs and holding hands in prayer circle once again!