October 2012 - A family journey - DONE

Today, I am again reminded that this disease is not just Davis' sickness, but the entire family is on this journey together.  As I rush home for a brief moment to help get the kids packed to go on a trip with cousins for the UEA weekend, they are so excited to see me after being apart for 5 days. However, upon learning I will return to the hospital later and not be going with them, their emotions are raw.  Ben says,"how come you are there for five days and here for ten minutes?" I hug him just a bit longer and reassure him that if it were him in the hospital, he would want me to be there too.  "True", and he goes about his packing.  There a few more tears for simple things to be done, stemming from uncertainty about going to different places etc.  They are all doing such an amazing job of keeping it all together, however, the stresses come and go for everyone on different days and different moments.  The pressure of "are we doing everything we can" to provide for our children's emotional, physical and especially spiritual health is a bit intense right now.  Most days are filled with the tender mercies and the light of Christ and others are merely physical survival mode to the extreme!  

Keeping the physical surroundings in order when I am gone so much is a challenge.  As much as everyone pitches in, they are still so busy and everyone going in and out leaves behind a lot of little piles, shoes, socks and clutter.  We rearranged the basement back in June for a fun family project to get a fresh coat of paint a better workable computer station and maybe even a pool table and game playing table.  Unfortunately, it sits in disarray, due to the fact that there have been little moments at home to work on such projects and funds needing to go elsewhere! The tall cafe chairs purchased at a yard sale in July, sit awaiting a game table. I am hoping to at least get it up and functional...either that or Dysfunctional to Functional HOME EDITION will stop by and have mercy!!!  My dream of creating fun game room decor is still in my head, however, realizing it's obviously not the most important part of life, it is currently on hold.  The yard is also in need of winterizing attention so that spring will not be too difficult.  I hope the weather cooperates and some of that can happen. Once again not of top priority, but needing to be done non the less!

Jeff and Courtney are so great at running the house, laundry, dishes.  Jeff has taken on many roles while still working and traveling a rough schedule.  I couldn't be more grateful for his dedication to keeping me at Davis' bedside to be his best advocate through this time. I wish so desperately that I could relieve the strain of being the provider of such a large family in such uncertain times.  On several occasions we have looked in the mirror or back at photos just a few years back and realize just how much stress can pile on the years! 
Family and neighbors have pitched in tremendously for rides and meals and check-ins for the little ones.  

Courtney has been so patient and incredibly competent, as I have not physically been there this week to begin the mission planning.  She has taken it completely into her own hands for all the paperwork, Dr. appointments and attending missionary prep classes.  I know she is an adult and on her own, but once a mom always a mom and I always want to be involved and contribute to her success. We have spoken on the phone a ton, but I just want to be there in person to hug her and have her see the admiration and love in my eyes.  She is embracing the missionary spirit and I am so thrilled for her.  

Ryan works his way through football and school.  A few minor injury strains test his limited(and I say that lovingly) pain tolerance level.  He was a bit nervous to let me know that the screen had shattered on his net book for school, costing a repair fee. I was so proud that he took all the steps he needed to in order to make it right and told me immediately, and secretly grateful for the opportunity for him to "work it off" with money jobs around the house!!  I hope to keep my kids emotionally sound that they always feel that they are safe in coming to me for the good and the bad in their lives. This is of course a concern for such a life altering experience.  

In the beginning of each hospital stay, Ben and Emily enjoy the extra freedom to roam around and play with friends in the neighborhood and see cousins and grandparents at random moments.  It quickly wears thin as the regularity of family life is longed for day after day.  They are becoming so self sufficient with homework, signing planners and sort of dressing themselves. They tend to exhibit their insecurities and sense of uncertainty by nightly awakenings.  The lack of sleep for everyone across the board does take it's toll and we have to remember to recharge every now and again...for sanity sake!  This is accomplished by trying to fit in some regular activities, although it makes for some crazy coordination of all the support systems, it is good to look forward with hope for the future to be different and fun.  
The tender prayers that are said around the ottoman, or over the phone on speaker are a cherished tradition that keeps us connected.  I look forward to the days when seven pairs of hands are joined all together in a circle of family prayer. 
 I love the insight into the lives of your children that you can receive when you kneel and pray with them. Of course Davis prayed for doctors to get his pain under control and figure out just what he needed to do get out quick.  Davis blessed the neighbors that were helping and our family to be safe at home. Also, in our bedside prayers last night he prayed out loud, "bless all of the people that are praying for him at this time". I hope everyone will feel of this boys faith and hope in their lives today to help them in their trials!  

Could a greater miracle take place

than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?

- Henry David Thoreau