May 2012 - Record it in your Heart! - DONE

There are so many different phases as life continues on.  I felt like when the little kid/baby phases were all around thats really all there was to life.  As time marches ever so quickly, many phases have come and gone, some lasting way too long and some not long enough.  Having Courtney leave the house for college was definitely the end of one phase and a leap into another.   

All this is at the forefront of my thoughts as the school year ends, Courtney-turns 20, travels far away to the Philippines, and prepares for jobs, life and nursing school.  She continually amazes me with her strength, spirituality and love of others.  Davis-continues to hurdle his personal obstacles.  His back is healed to play baseball and he is loving every minute of feeling stronger.  A tough decision is made to give up football and life plans continue to be made despite uncertainties.  Ryan's-endearing trademark squeaky high voice is interspersed with bouts of low crackles, as he catches his mid-pubescent self, stops, smiles and parrots back the squeaks as if to lighten the awkwardness.  I love that boy!  Ben-completes 5th grade, already yearning for 6th grade to begin, finds the innocence of "kinda" liking girls and searches for the increased desire for independence that the summer of almost being 12 years-old brings.  The phase when mom wanting to hold tight can be a nuisance, yet all said and done he remains the tender heart he is and the best hugging boy ever!  Emily-leaves second grade no longer saying "becept" for except(and not because I corrected her, I'd like to know who told her, that's for sure!)  Tonight her childlike prayer that has been the same since she was three years old became an almost 8 year-olds, thoughtful and mature prayer.  Ever since she could say a full prayer by herself, every sentence began with thank you that...Thank you that we have our blessings, thank you that we can sleep good tonight, thank you that dad got home safe, thank you that everyone can get better from all their sickness, thank you that I can go to 2nd grade.  I'm sure no one else's heart jumped as she constructs "We are thankful for", followed by "please bless that"... For years I have thought that I needed to make record of the tender innocence of so many thank you "thats".  Although that phase has ended out loud, it will forever remain engraved in my heart. 

THANK YOU THAT I HAVE THIS LIFE.

Emily is at the age of 7 almost 8 where other peoples opinions matter so much and is a tender reminder of expressing kindness everyday to our kids.  She had 2 mosquito bites on her face and seriously debated whether or not to go on a fun day trip to camp Kiesel, "because the other girls might make fun." After a pep talk, she decides to go. Gratefully, she had a fabulous day.  As she gets ready for bed that night we talk about the day as she recalls every little detail in her stories as she often does.  "oh, and by the way mom, no one made fun of my face."  "Well, that's good."  "Yes, because girl scouts aren't supposed to be mean you know.  One girl did think the bites were a birthmark, but I just said nope, they are bites, and she was good with that."  I pray my kids will have the self concept to know that they are a child of God and survive this mean world.  Hold tight.

No one ever tells us when life will change from one phase to another.

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

The past few weeks for Davis have unfortunately taken us out of the stable phase that he has been able to hold for the past 9-10 months. We were a bit blindsided as we took routine labs for the month in preparation of tapering down just a bit more off the medication.  Davis' anticipation was growing as July came around knowing that he only had one more month of the meds.  Unfortunately, his platelets took a dive and began to drop, just before his highly anticipated high adventure trip with the priests.  Packed and ready to go, the news brought worries and once again precautions and restrictions that were less than desirable.  As we took labs 5 days later in hopes that they would rebound, they did not and bags were unpacked.  Baseball once again was too risky and his immunity also dropped not allowing him to participate in lake activities at a family reunion.  

The mortal minds inability to process so many disappointments a midst the uncertainty causes me to be emotionally spent for a moment or two.  A momentary relapse back to the beginning of 2010, snap out of it.  Faith not fear.  The overwhelming urge to curl up into a ball and cry is replaced by deep breathing, mopping and cleaning the door handles to keep germs away, but mainly to stay so busy the mind is not allowed to wander.   The familiar feeling of standing still as life revolves chaotically around.  My eyes are wide open, but I see spinning and fell numb as I feel my heart beating in my stomach and my head at the same time.  I force myself to function although at a slower pace than usual as my thoughts escape my ability to jump too far ahead or as in this case jump back to the bloody noses, the fevers in the night, transfusions, life threatening infections, the restless sleep that piles up and hospitalizations.  Fasting and praying with every fiber of your being.  Faith not fear.  

It has been emotional to have to recount the past two years for new doctors to provide the whole picture. Graph in your mind a roller coaster.  Increased trips to the hospital for more testing. As the symptoms worsen and petechiae are in his mouth, more worries arise.  11 pm he prepares for surgery and eats Chinese food and brownies, wakes to eat juice and 3 jell-o cups before having to go without food.  He receives the first platelet transfusion in almost 2 years.  A bone marrow aspiration and biopsy are taken yesterday to determine where he is headed.  

Again the emotions are all over as you see and hear all walks of life in a children's hospital.  Smiles at the brave grin of a 2 yr-old in the transfusion chair next to us, tearing up as an overwhelmed mom yells at her 4-yr-old, steroid induced-round-faced boy running down the hall with tubes and toosh hanging out of his gown...no doubt just trying to escape the confines he had been placed in and be a regular 4 yr-old.  I just wanted to hug them both for their struggle.  We go down a short white surgical hallway with similar feelings of the long white hallway we had traveled so many times before.  Davis is ready to sleep and falls off, maybe even before the anesthesia takes hold.  As I sit in the hallway, a song begins to play from the open room across the way.  Tears fall as I recognize it as the nursery lullaby that I played over my babies as they slept in their cribs.  Where have the years gone?  I could not have imagined the worries as I watched them sleep and grow over the years.  My sleeping baby is now too long for the beds in these rooms.  Staff always comment on his large stature and strong features.  Wow, I love this boy.  I call to check on all kids at home and Jeff in California on business.  I can only imagine his heavy heart as he is so far away from us at this time.  I'm so grateful for his strong work ethic and capability to continue on and work to provide for his family.  I love that man.

Davis tolerated the day as well as can be expected and continues to amaze me with his strength, humor and that smile.  We will now recover from today and await our next task at hand meanwhile finding what we CAN do instead of dwelling on what we CAN'T, and go forward with hope and faith.

An optimist is one who makes the best

of what he gets the worst of.

- Anonymous

Photos of all the Life Happenings!

Yay! Courtney moves home!

 Ben's dream dog!

Mother's Day 2012

5th grade 50's day!   

Ben and the GREEN YODA'S go undefeated!

Emmi loves being on the soccer field

                       

Mother/daughter PJ girl-scout party!

Yummy GREEN drinks??

Record in you heart the memories with grandparents.   We had the privilege of caring for Grandpa Cox for a few days at our house.  The kids loved hearing "the pig song"  sung in missionary Finish with a crisp memory and a cup of hot cocoa.   

Molly had extra time on the couch in grandpas arms. 

We celebrated his 76th birthday, another that we didn't know we would have together.
Love you grandpa.

 Ben loved that he was chosen for the 5th grade decathlon , he broad jumped, stretched, did sit-ups, jump roped, ladders, cup stacking, 50 yard dashed, push-upped, ball dribbled and hula-hooped his way with his three teammates to a 2nd place medal. "he did wear his lucky green-laced shoes!"

Jeff loves to clean out the underground 4 ft round waterfall tank!

What an amazing contortionist!

Father's Day 2012

Courtney visits the Philippines for a humanitarian service trip, full of fun, kids and hard work.  She had an experience that will help evolve her for the rest of her life.

Souvenirs 

Building schools 

KIDS DAY June 30th 2012 starts with a picnic breakfast...

Then ends with a trip to the Manti Pageant!

Courtney turns 20 years-old in the Philippines and we celebrate back home as well!  Truly time passes so quickly and I am re-energized to cherish every moment and record them in my heart.

Kayaking fun on Smith and Moorehouse Lake!

Wintle Family reunion 2012 

Shooting contest at the Lifferth Family Cabin

                                                               If we have no peace,
                                                       it is because we have forgotten
                                                         that we belong to each other.
                                                                                    - Mother Teresa