March is positive attitude month!

We had a great weekend with the Cox family as we visited Hardware Ranch and the elk, followed by a dinner at Maddox in Brigham City.  Ben was thrilled that he was allowed to order off the regular menu.  Taking full advantage of this challenge and ordering a half pound bison burger...endless fries, cream soda and a larger than life coconut cream pie for dessert.  You guessed it!  He polished off all but a few bites of the pie.  "Just so that I can eat some at home!"  The meal was also revisited at 1:30 am.  I write this why?  It's good to keep the humor and hope of childhood alive.   Ben feels like since the involuntary purge, his pee has been much better and thus no more doctors visits are needed.  If only that kind of hope could come true.  Unfortunately for him, it did not and off for the Nephrology consult we go.

Forward with faith.  What more is there but diligence in the physical and worldly care and constant faith when you hear once again the words; "well, we do not suspect that "this" is a common issue that we usually see, so we are going to test for some "rare" issues, that we, of course, do not expect to see.  My heightened awareness of the rare being a huge part of our world right now causes my mind to literally shut down for what I think was about 15 seconds, as I watch my 10 year-old by my side playing an Ipad game...trying to ignore the possibilities and more testing that the Dr. was handing out.  He only raises is head when words such as needle and surgery and a stay in the hospital are mentioned. My heart was crushing at the thoughts of him having to be so strong.  I try to maintain composure all the while fighting back a few doubts that my reserves are resilient enough to be strong. They did not think it was the simple strep cause that we were hoping for however, some tests were not complete.  The physicians comment when we were leaving was, "I'm sorry when I give my parents more questions than answers."  He was very thorough and wanted to cover all possibilities.

So... we will follow up on Monday with more testing and hopefully have more answers then.  Ben is feeling fine and being tough.  He asked if the next tests would "hurt like the last test." I said, "yes about the same."  With confidence, "okay good, I can do that!"  I smiled at his new found optimism that he had survived one round and he could do another.    March is after all positive attitude month!   The effects felt on all, as some people develop imaginary friends to see them through the tough times...now Emmi has had the occasional imaginary colored pee.  No worries, I spent some one-on-one time last night with and some attention playing UNO, magically her pee is now "almost white, so that's normal right?" We will all have a degree after all this!   I love the reminder that it is the simple attention given to a child that can encircle them with the security and love they desire. Chinese fortunes that night with Ben and Emmi. Ben: YOU WILL SLEEP WELL AT NIGHT. His response, "That's just the perfect one for me, how did they know I haven't been sleeping well."  Another testament to the power of positive thinking...he did sleep all night that night.  Emmi: YOU WILL PASS A DIFFICULT TEST THAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIER!  Without hesitation, "I did that today, I got 100 on my spelling and the challenge words were so hard!"  Ah, life through the eyes of a child.  I wish I could bottle it!

 I have to admit the weight of the burdens of the worlds filled my day as one hundred percent of my communications with people this day were full of life's traumas, from health, to children, elderly parents, marriage struggles, financial challenges or wayward children.  It seems everywhere I turn, challenges are found.  Everyone has their trials and I just didn't understand the need for all that I heard of today.  I know, Be still and know that I am God.  This sentence is repeated often and provides such a reprieve. Gentle Strength.

Courage doesn't always roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice

at the end of the day saying,

"I will try again tomorrow."

- Mary Anne Radmacher