Overflow!

I should be in the movies!  I have decided that now is my opportunity to seek a role in a dramatic movie.  I have found that there is no need for onions or tear making chemicals or "go to an emotional place" in order to illicit the opening of the floodgates.  I have an uncanny and often untimely ability to produce tears at the very thought of my incredible blessings, someone sharing their story, Christmas decorations being set up with my daughters, and reliving traditions and cherished memories.  My heart is in my throat as I read stories under the tree and realize just how fast time passes.  I hear tales from friends of their own health issues, or sit in Relief Society feeling the intensity of each woman's inner struggle and just want a group hug, and somehow make it all better.

This time of year always brings to the surface the longing to become like a little child.  I cannot help but crave the beauty this world could experience if we saw it through the eyes of a little one.  Thanksgiving prayers of the tender mercies granted to our family this year, Jeff leaving town, or just the sight of white Christmas lights, also cause the levy to break.  I even well up at the happiness of someone winning a game show, or the telling of a story of need and someone else fills it...love that!   You know, that state of mind where sometimes emotions emerge as tears and the next moment it's laughter...then laughter that turns to tears!  After visiting the school to find a newly purchased and only worn one time, now missing coat, we layer for today to fight the cold and discuss just where the coat might have gone.  After all the regular scenarios have been talked about, I am once again reminded about the good in life.  Emmi in all her new found Christmas sweetness emphatically states, " It's just magical that my coat is missing."    I reply with a a deep breath and a smile, "Oh, how's that magical?"   "Well, maybe Murphy the elf needed the coat for today, she says."   Then with great optimism, "maybe he will return it!"    Maybe, or maybe someone else needed it more that we did.   Where or when does the innocence of childhood leave us?  Time is an incredible concept.  The days often seen to drag on and on and then in a blink, the years have passed.

Quote for the day/life:  

Don't cry that it is over, smile that it happened!

My increasing awareness as to the fragility of life is ever so present as a daily gift. I have usually been more confident in my ability to at least maintain composure, were as I am now feeling what I can only describe as the raw spirit of humanity and all our trials and afflictions...the necessity of the Fall, and the truly fallen state in which we exist.
Lately we have been able to relax a bit on the random happenings, however, every now and again something has to keep you on your toes.  One such experience just the other day.  Everyone but Davis was downstairs doing various projects and such.  Out of the blue, we hear Davis' rather frantic voice boom, "CAN somebody help ME!"  In my 2.4 second bolt up the stairs and into the kitchen, numerous possibilities rushed through my stomach up to my head and then returning with a nauseating plop back into my stomach.  It is incredible what can go through your mind in just a few seconds.   Of course, Davis standing with hands cupped and the fridge overflowing, was NOT one of them!  Literally before stopping the fridge,  I blurt, "are you okay? Just as the look on my face encourages him to blurt, "I'm okay!"  In the meantime Emmi following closely behind, interrupts both of us and in her motherly voice says, "Davis just open the door and it would have stopped!"  The fridge puddle cleaned up in no time, however, my lurching stomach was a not-so-gentle reminder for the rest of the day.  As Davis hugged me again realizing the scare, we discuss how the next cry for help needs to begin with, "I'M OKAY, can someone help me?"

As I hear compelling stories surrounding the Festival of Trees, the overflowing rainbow of emotions is in full view.   Always a tender event, however, now with increased personal and emotional ties. Davis and the Utes were well represented.

Thank you to the families that had a hand in making the tree 

and giving back to Primary Children's.  

Once again, my overflow of emotions blur the beautiful lights of the many trees, as I am overcome with the recognition that we are privileged to be experiencing this festival with my boy.  It is difficult to describe the closeness to the atonement one can feel in one moment and then the worries of this mortal life, more often than not, taking over to cause uncertainty...and tears yet again.  I have at times been frustrated with the yo-yo like affect of spiritual highs and lows that accompany life.  I quote; If we don't maintain a certain amount of humility, and therefore a certain caution about our ability to reason correctly and thereby control our own fate, life will wound us dearly. And we are most at risk when we are most sure of ourselves.(Following Christ)    

My choice to delay admitting the need for humility has often times created a greater battle within than the original issue or trial.  Is this just me?

I guess it's true that, until we learn, we will be handed similar struggles, experiencing them until we can become more Christlike in the refiners fire.  I am grateful that I have been sustained and carried in at least the last two major health concerns for our family.   In the past, I have tried to exercise my science-oriented mind in solving such problems.  It took quite a few health related issues to knock some sense into me that no matter how smart or capable we are at altering with medications or surgeries, in the end, there is a higher power. I am so incredibly grateful for the Lord's guidance in my ability to care for Davis and Courtney in their most recent and life-altering challenges.  My knowledge base and education have proven of great worth, however, the knowledge and understanding of a merciful and loving Heavenly Father has had eternal value.(Thanks mom and dad for providing that foundation for me to build upon)

I am full of wonder at the sustaining power that was mine for the taking when I just asked.  There are few words to describe the intense need to protect and nurture a child in crisis.  At many times in the past I have succumb to the overwhelming emotions of helplessness, which in return did in fact render me helpless.  With each trial, I find it more and more comfortable to reach out to my Heavenly Father.  Perhaps it comes  from the pure exhaustion of uncertainty and also hopeful faith. After recognizing and knowing that I could not carry this illness, this time, by myself, a seemingly simple request for aid was granted.  My heart was no longer overrun by the what ifs, how's and whys.

I began to acknowledge that there are many certainties to be found within the fog of adversity.

The daily battle is ours to fight and win.  We can feel of the reassurance that we will be sustained to endure well, if not through the miracles seen in this life, but the hope, understanding and staying power of the absolute certainty of the eternities.  I share these thoughts with any of my friends and family, present and future that may read my rather random and naive blog...A recorded journey through a moment in this life, not like any one's and very much like every one's.