Today, the two-year mark of one of the most trying moments
in time for our family has my heart overflowing with gratitude for the
day. If you look at today and someone
would have told me that I would still be adding visiting Doctors office at
least once to twice a month, or more, times a few children in addition to the chaos of
“normal life” there would be days that I would be overwhelmed at the mere
thought of one more thing, one more concern. The “regular” issues of life such as clutter, minor injuries of Spring
using 2 boxes of Band-aids in one week, bedtime rituals taking 1 ½ hours, grey
hairs, leaves and weeds, finding cute and functional dishes, then having to
worry about the warnings of chemicals, horrible movies that although walked out
of can still leave that pit in your stomach at the despair of the world, 4 out
of 4 cars in the shop for one reason or another in one week(while Jeff is out
of town)…just to mention a few, are welcome in comparison to days gone by.
As I look back over the past twenty years and
respectfully contemplate that even though the todays are still full of
uncertainty and overwhelming moments, I was prepared for them through the many experiences
of the past.
Although today isn’t quite the calm and assured life I had
dreamed about by the time I reached 42, in comparison to several previous
moments, it’s a breeze!
Current "tranquil, breezy" happenings update;
Courtney searches for a job as she completes a successful 2 years at UVU and prepares to move home and to apply to and continue here nursing education at Weber State University. Emmi and I are tied in the race for who is more excited to have Courtney home again! Davis has finally kicked a massive sinus infection after three months, three different meds and many headaches, and had the best immunity lab in the past two years. He is also valiantly striving to continue to heal his back fracture through physical therapy and with painful compliance of inactivity through the baseball season. He looks forward to the end of sophomore year, has intense hope for the football season and finding a summer job! Ryan's back is mended and he is thriving in baseball despite having Osgood Slaughter's disease in his knees from growing leaps and bounds last year, hitting 5ft. 7 in. and a size 10 1/2 men's shoe! Ben has a follow-up nephrology appointment in April and is looking forward to this years soccer season with gusto as his cleat size(and according to him his kicking power) has increased from a 8 to a 91/2 in one season! Emily continues to provide the magic like only a 7 year-old can for every holiday and each regular day! Belief in little green men and bunnies as well as the tender spirit of Christ fills her mind with thoughts of fun and love. Her eager desire to prepare for her baptism this year fills our home with the love of Christ. She beams with happiness as she blows an eyelash away and reveals the wish, "that our family can be together forever!"
The sustaining power that each individual experience brings,
builds to allow me to better function in the next crisis. The spirit of
finding contentment in the little moments of life has actually gone through
phases as the acute trials begin to fade and chronic everyday tasks take over
and quietly fit into the daily routine.
I find myself in the relatively calmer moments becoming all-too relaxed
about the need for constant nourishment and permitting cracks in the spiritual wall
that allow Satan to enter thoughts that cause fear and doubt. It has always intrigued me that in times of
seeming abundance, the emotional harmony isn’t nearly as profound as in the
darkest hours of life, as one is forced to diligently pursue the very source of
peace.
You know the ones where you find yourself on the shower floor in helpless body-wrenching tears. You know the times when you have no choice but to hand the emotions and outcome over to a loving Heavenly Father. The reflections of adversity over the years have brought an understanding to me of my mortal limitations and need for His hand in my life. With each new challenge, this also brings the increased ability to gracefully ASK for that hand more readily. I have struggled over the years with statements made of gratitude for such adversity. However, each trial has brought a softer understanding of the meaning. My true gratitude lies not with the difficulty itself (let’s be candid, did I really stand in line for these issues), but within the strength gained from them to endure well. The humility that comes from personal recognition that I cannot stand alone and better yet do not have to, becomes an immense source of empowerment.
You know the ones where you find yourself on the shower floor in helpless body-wrenching tears. You know the times when you have no choice but to hand the emotions and outcome over to a loving Heavenly Father. The reflections of adversity over the years have brought an understanding to me of my mortal limitations and need for His hand in my life. With each new challenge, this also brings the increased ability to gracefully ASK for that hand more readily. I have struggled over the years with statements made of gratitude for such adversity. However, each trial has brought a softer understanding of the meaning. My true gratitude lies not with the difficulty itself (let’s be candid, did I really stand in line for these issues), but within the strength gained from them to endure well. The humility that comes from personal recognition that I cannot stand alone and better yet do not have to, becomes an immense source of empowerment.
My focus statement, or personal mantra for this year, has
been “Surround Yourself with Greatness”.
This greatness includes positive thinking, progressive hope, great
people (especially strong women), accessing unlimited spiritual resources, new
physical resolutions, maintaining an open heart, and an intense desire to
thrive, serve and grow. This daily
resolve has brought many new individuals into my life thus increasing my love
of people and their strength to overcome.
The purpose and meaning of life although still astoundingly difficult becomes clearer with each passing moment. In the beginning I was adamant about seeking the good each day. Honestly, some days even struggling to find…correction challenged to choose to see that good. A new favorite pastime when life is too heavy is to wander through the shelves of Desert Book or Seagull Book. As I browse, there are many titles that have reached out to me and I have found greatness in the pages of their spiritually uplifting words. Like never before, many have found a new home on my bedside table. I am also drawn to the possible solutions to worldly issues, which for the most part simply involves the complexity of faith, as well as those thoughts aiding me in my continual quest for self-improvement and progression.
The purpose and meaning of life although still astoundingly difficult becomes clearer with each passing moment. In the beginning I was adamant about seeking the good each day. Honestly, some days even struggling to find…correction challenged to choose to see that good. A new favorite pastime when life is too heavy is to wander through the shelves of Desert Book or Seagull Book. As I browse, there are many titles that have reached out to me and I have found greatness in the pages of their spiritually uplifting words. Like never before, many have found a new home on my bedside table. I am also drawn to the possible solutions to worldly issues, which for the most part simply involves the complexity of faith, as well as those thoughts aiding me in my continual quest for self-improvement and progression.
“How simple it is to see that all
the worry in the world cannot control the future. How simple it is the see that we can only be
happy now. And that there will never be a time
when it is not now.
-Gerald Jampolsky
-Gerald Jampolsky
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