October 2012 - Calming the child as the storm rages- DONE

I have to express that lately I have had a few days that I have had to say STOP out loud in order to keep my mind from wandering too far into the bad.  I walk through the halls of the high school to get homework and can't help but feel a moment of sadness as I long for my boy to be here among friends and the regular happenings of teenage life that I see all around.  The football team passes in from practice, little side hall conversations between friends, homecoming spirit all over.  I watch as the lunch time crowd cram into cars leaving the parking lot.  I miss the lunch boys raiding my cupboards looking for food.  

Assembly line style!

Ben has grown a bit!

                          

In a moment of strength, I made a family goal to refurbish our emergency food and 72 hour kits during conference weekend  (that and as Ben tried on his clothes from his pack, we realized it had been a few years since the last update)! As I prepare 72 hour kits, I was feeling quite accomplished at the successful gluten free emergency kit that I had mastered.  Then, in a moment of reality, I felt myself feeling a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of the need for a sterile, low immunity, what if he bleeds, how do we take labs, how many medications on hand-72 hour-PLUS- first aid kit and pack.  Where do I even begin.  I was engulfed with fear that brought literal shaking, endless(okay, 20 minutes) of thoughts of the how's, what ifs and tears to my body.  I realized that in that brief-bigger-than-me moment I needed to take a step back and hand this one over to Heavenly Father. Calm.

 If I have gained anything through the past well, 20 years of health problems, children, and life, it is the ability to more readily recognize my personal limitations in controlling my surroundings.  This only after countless hours at one or two particular moments in time in which I was on the shower floor in writhing tears of disappointment, pain, fear, anguish and/or heart break, only to realize the sun does come up the next day, happiness can fill the gap and life continues to move on with or with out you.  Resulting in the awareness that on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, the ability to make the choice to keep progressing forward positively, giving into full trust of the atonement, is truly the one aspect of life we can control.

I'm Official!

Be grateful for the joys in life that open your heart again to the beauty of it all.  I felt conference offered the peace and the reassurance that although bad things do and are an ever increasing measure of this world, we can seek a higher strength to help us endure well.  I am reminded of the beauty in life and the faith of our youth, as Courtney receives an answer to her prayers about serving a mission when the age for sister missionaries was changed from 21 to 19! She has been talking with our bishop and preparing for quite some time and eager to go now that the decision has been made, however, was trying to wait patiently for the next few months to pass before she could complete her papers.  This timing will move her ability to go up by at least 6 months and she couldn't be more thrilled.  She came home from her interview with the bishop with this little piece of paper that had the numbers and info she needed to go online and start her papers!  With light in her eyes and a huge smile on her face she exclaims. "I'm official!"....Needless to say we were on the computer immediately and well into the night. My emotions are of course all over the place as I ponder just what that means for our family.  Then I realize my concerns all fall under the physical and worldly category.  How can we make this happen financially, what about educational goals, preparations to be made in a shorter time frame and in the middle of a relatively unsettled moment in our lives? All that is trumped by my simple craving of the spiritual strength that is available to families supporting a full-time missionary. Once again, faith not fear!   

Davis was eager to attend priesthood session with all the men.  As he reminded me that he will be watched over for making the right choice to be where he was supposed to be that night, I pray for his safety as they drive around and that no one will sneeze on him in a crowd.  We think through the night...a plan, to walk in after the crowd is settled and leave before the last song to avoid being in the middle of all the after movement.  All went well and so far so good.  The weekend was full of tender moments as Courtney let the little kids know that she had made the decision to serve a mission and soon.  Emily had a priceless grin on her face as well as a ton of questions and Ben was in awe and a bit envious.  Earlier in the day when he had heard the announcement,  he said;  "well, if I was President Monson I would have changed the age to after 11 years-old!"  We all spent the weekend making guesses of just where might be the place she will be called to serve.  

Quoted from the book, Finding Peace and Happiness
                                             "My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  
                                                Let not your heart be troubled, Neither let it be afraid"(John 14:27)  
"I know that Jesus is not suggesting, but commanding our hearts to be at peace and our lives to brim with happiness-no matter the circumstances.  Jesus would never command us to do something and fail to provide the way for us to do it." This life is too short to waste a single day! The world might just be going through one day at a time, but not us.  We are defined by Christ, we know who He is, we know His plan, we know our true identity.  No more dragging ourselves through life-it's time to live and to savor every minute, even those wrought with pain!  Toni Sorenson

                                   "Happiness is the object and design of our existence." President Lorenzo Snow